Ian
Founding Member

Triple Gemini with Scorpio rising

Ian was born in a brothel in New Orleans' French Quarter but was sold at birth to a staunch Irish Catholic from Western Pennsylvania and his wife, a militant Quebecois separatist, who were spending the summer touring America's swamplands with a group of Appalachian folk singers. He passed his youth in coal-mining country, leaving home at the age of eleven under mysterious circumstances. For the next several years Ian tramped his way across the vast expanse of William Penn's charter, turning up at last in the city of brotherly love where he was apprenticed to a Quaker smithy. The temptation to use the smithy tools for other than authorised purposes proved too much for him, however, and Ian once again disappeared from public record. Then one night, during the first Prom Trash party, Ian walked into Bob and Barbara's on the arm of a tuxedoed youth who looked suspiciously like River Phoenix and into burlesque history.

A founding member of the Dumpsta Players, Ian has appeared in many roles including Jackie Kuntzman, the legendarily intoxicated Long Island divorcee who, even from the grave, wreaks havoc on the lives of all in her wake.

Other Favorite Roles:

Cleopatra in Ben Him
Julie in I Know Who You Did Last Summer
Jennifer Grey in Filthy Dancing
Betsy Cornhole in Children of a Lesser Cornhole
Angelique in Darkeye Shadows
Mary Ingalls in Satanic House on the Prairie
Ginger in Killigan's Island
Nurse Anne Thrax in Scabaret
Strip Poker in Milton Bradley's Par Cheezy Review
Judy Jetson in Hanna Barbaric Broadway Review
Miss Bitchy-Bitch in Octoberfist
Old Drunk Group Leader in Assholes Annonymous
U.S.O. Girl in Section 8
Ru Punzell in Pretty Princess

In Stinkin' Eighties Ian appeared as a man for the first time in a K-Tell show since Trucker Mudflaps, though he often kicks it Bon Jovi-style in the post-show ... for better or for worse.

Ian believes that George Michael is the musical Messiah of his generation. Ian promises never to rap in public again.